Posts Tagged ‘postbag’

Etiquette Postbag: Your Questions Answered

Thursday, May 26th, 2011

As per a few weeks ago, below are some of my favourite questions that I have received this week on matters of protocol, manners, etiquette and the like. If you have a question on any subject you think I’d know about, then do please contact me.

1) You stated on CNN that one never EVER ‘clinks’ glasses with the Queen, yet that is exactly what Ireland’s President did with her after her speech. She is even heard to say ‘I like the clinky glass.” Exception to the rule, or a gaffe by Ireland’s President McAleese?

It was a mistake on the part of the Irish President. Quite forgivable seeing as there seems to be an epidemic of clinking glasses going around the world at the moment. Her Majesty’s reference to “I like clinky glasses” would probably have been a ‘get out clause’ for the Irish premier as it would be impolite to point out the faux pas there and then (especially as Her Majesty was the guest).

2) I frequently catch public transport to and from university, and I would like to know some of your etiquette tips for public transport.

Public transport, I am not going to lie, is not my favourite, although I do use it. When I am in London I use the London Underground frequently and am getting much better at navigating it. In Manchester I frequently hop on buses to get from A to B. As with everything in life, there is an etiquette that comes with public transport and just because the condition of some buses is not brilliant it does not mean that people’s standards of behaviour should slip.

3) How was it that you got interested in etiquette? I am also interested in this matter and am a similar age to you.

I am heartened to hear that there is someone else of a similar age interested in etiquette and the like – I knew I couldn’t just be the only one! This link contains some of my background (although it’s a very old link). If you have any further questions I would be delighted to answer them.

Keep on maintaining standards! Don’t sink to everyone else’s level – raise them to yours.

4) When wearing a dinner suit what is the deal with the collar business? Does it have to point upwards or downwards?

Black tie (dinner jacket), when worn correctly, should be a turn-down collar (so a ‘normal’ looking collar). Winged collars are for White tie events.

A turn-down collar for black tie

A 'turn-down' shirt collar is correct for Black Tie

5) What do you think the best way is to be perceived as a young professional who knows what you are doing and want people to realise this more in meetings and first encounters?

People will be expecting you to be rubbish/not brilliant (if they know how old you are) and so I have always made sure that I beat (or match) them at their own game. They will be looking for weaknesses and be waiting for you to slip up and so it’s best to pre-empt that has best you can. Fortunately for me, I come across older than I actually am, which does help, although I still look young.

Etiquette Postbag

Sunday, May 1st, 2011

Here are some of the questions I have received from various different people this week about issues of etiquette and protocol. I thought I’d post the answers online (I have removed people’s names).

1.  During a dinner/lunch – how do I rest my knife and fork if I pause for a while to speak?  I think that it is fork over knife at a 25past 5 angle?  Prongs down?

You are right that the bridge of the fork should go over the blade of the knife, prongs/tines down, and (if you imagine the plate as a clock) with them pointing to 3.40.

2.  When someone speaks to me during dinner – should they put down their cutlery and should I stop eating and do the same?

You do not have to rest your cutlery to talk to your dinner partner, but you should stop eating/chewing.

3.  When I have finished my main course – how should I leave my cutlery on the plate, and which way should the fork prongs face?

Both fork and knife together, fork on the left; knife on the right, at half six. The tines of the fork should be facing upwards (downwards if dining in France).

4. Why did the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall precede the Queen in the procession down the aisle?

Her Majesty is ‘top dog’ and so comes last – so she is last to be seated/take her place.

5. I always hold my fork in my right hand and my knife in my left…is this an example of poor etiquette? Or is this acceptable?

I wonder if you are left-handed? This is often the case nowadays that left-handed people will reverse the traditional order (fork in the left; knife in the right). If you find this style of dining more comfortable and easier for you then stick with it, but traditionally it is always (right or left handed) that forks go in the left, and knives and spoons in the right.

6. I am glad to have seen you on television promoting manners and etiquette. I have a passion for manners and etiquette and I am constantly reading about the subject. However I find that my peers are not very supportive of this, and often make me feel as though I am sticking out like a sore thumb. as you are of similar age I would like to know if you have ever felt this, and how does one deal with a situation like this?

It’s great to hear that you too have an interest in the subject – it’s so refreshing. Ignore what your peers say. They will one day realise that you were right all along and they will be held back by their lack of interest or practise of courtesy. You will have the last laugh! Trust me, I have been there. Obviously, do not cease your interest just because of what a few mis-guided individuals have said or think. Know that you have the moral highground and don’t sink to their level; instead, enjoy the view!

If you have any other questions about etiquette, manners, protocol or taste then do email me.