You may have read in the news today a story about a woman emailing her stepson’s fiancé to give her some etiquette pointers. If you haven’t seen the story, click here to read.
This is an interesting case. I completely agree with what Mrs Bourne, the mother-in-law, says. All of her points are technically correct. It is the way in which it was handled that, sadly, lets her argument down.
Doing the job I do I am constantly looking at how people behave and making mental notes and observations (although, I should just say, not as often as people think – I do switch off socially, honest!) But if I dared to tell people my thoughts and highlight which rule they had just breached I would lose a lot of friends very quickly. It’s what I like to call ‘the politeness paradox’: it’s rude to tell someone that they are being rude (even though in the long-term it may benefit them).
Carolyn Bourne
The tone of Mrs Bourne’s email was probably the definition of bluntness and there was no softening of anything. This may be down to a generational difference. Older members of my family will sometimes say things to a younger generation that is not considered politically correct, or that is (on the surface) quite cutting and nasty. Nine times out of ten they are not meaning to come across like that, it is simply that they were brought up (rightly or wrongly) in a much more direct and ‘speak your mind’ way (partly as there were fewer laws and social codes telling them otherwise).
I would be very surprised if the accused of Mrs Bourne’s email (Heidi Withers) decides to marry her fiancé now that this has become a national news story and she seems to come out of it badly. That said, Mrs Bourne hardly comes out smelling of roses. I think it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.
A hard one to call as to who is right and who is wrong. Who do you think is right?
LATEST: Read my further thoughts that I gave to the BBC News website’s article on the story. Click here to read. | Read William’s further opinion for Channel 4 News. Click here to read.
Long Time No Blog
Wednesday, August 4th, 2010Yes, all right. I realise I haven’t filed a blog in a few weeks. I was fully aware of this, but when my 13-year-old cousin, Harry, rang me this evening and said ‘can I remind you that you haven’t done a blog since the 15th July, William?’ I felt that perhaps I should pen something to fill you all in on what’s been happening.
I am preparing to go on holiday with all my family (including the aforementioned cousin) to Italy as of this Friday. We are going to Le Marche region of the country; I don’t usually get excited before holidays, Christmases or birthdays but for some reason for this summer’s holiday I am really very excited and super hyped. It will probably be dreadful – I always find that the greater the anticipation, the bigger the disappointment.
I’ve been spending the last couple of weeks down south. I was in London a fortnight ago (I blogged about that, as regular readers will know), but it was my mother’s birthday on one weekend, and I also had a few other family commitments I had to be down here for so I decided that rather than bouncing up and down the country, I’d just stay in one place until after Italy, when I shall return to Manchester.
Sadly, being down south does mean that I come face-to-face with the gym and my trainer. In fact, I have a new trainer. No, I am not that un-fit and flabby that I need two instructors, but my normal trainer Andy has been taking some time off to spend with his new child so on the days that he is not there, I have Tom, who is equally as good a task-master as Andy. As I type I have just finished making Tom and Andy a cheesecake – I do feel I should be making them a salad, not a calorific pudding, but I have decided that I shall fatten them up in order to make me look slimmer.
They have me doing runs/jogs/canters/walks/crawls. I don’t like going out on the public roads as there is a risk of people seeing me who I know (or that know me). I don’t really want to bump into someone when I am a sweaty, lolloping mess. Every time we pass someone I know I have to shout ‘I’m training him!’ whilst pointing at Andy or Tom. I don’t think the passers-by believe me for a second, but I am sure someone will one day.
I went for a run around the country lanes where my parents live this morning, safe in the knowledge that I know very few people in the immediate area (partly as there are very few houses!). How wrong I was. Five minutes in and I bump into Her Majesty’s Lord Lieutenant for Bristol, who lives two houses away from my parents and whom we know. I hope she doesn’t report her sighting of me in my jogging gear to Her Majesty; I’d imagine the Knighthood will be off.
Biscotti
Culinary-wise, I’ve made two cheesecakes, but also some biscotti. Something I’ve never made before but had always wanted to try. I have to say, for someone who has never made them before, I am very pleased with the results. It did take me 4 hours (one has to cook the biscotti twice – indeed that is what ‘biscotti’ means: twice baked). The recipe was for 60. I really should have scaled it down. My parents and I now have biscotti coming out of every airtight container in the house. I’ve been taking biscotti round to every social engagement (however informal) just to get rid of it by the time we go to Italy… the home of biscotti!
I shall endeavor to blog from Italy… but I’m not promising anything. That said, my cousin will be with me, so I’m sure he’ll remind me.
Tags: baking, biscotti, cheesecake, cooking, cousin, diary, etiquette, family, fitness, gym, holiday, Italy, Le Marche, manners, protocol, pudding, running, social commentator, summer, The Queen, william hanson
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