Posts Tagged ‘downton abbey’

A Crash Course in White Tie

Saturday, November 19th, 2011

Earlier this week the British Prime Minister David Cameron attended the Lord Mayor’s Banquet at the Mansion House in the City of London. This annual event carries with it an evening dress code that is fast falling out of vogue: White Tie. A few weeks ago I wrote about Black Tie, which is basically a bastardised version of White Tie.

But this little worn, and to some people – little known, dress code has its rules, just like any other. It used to be the standard dress for evening dinners in the age of Downton Abbey, as indeed we see on the hit costume drama. Black Tie then came in (from America) and the aristocracy decided that it was a lot less hassle to wear every evening than White Tie.

Lord Grantham from Downton Abbey

Working from top to bottom, the gentleman should wear…

Bow tie The clue is in the title of the dress code – a white bow tie (hand-tied) is correct. Make sure your hands are spotless before tying as the brilliant white of the tie will show every mark unforgivingly

Shirt A white, winged collar (sometimes detachable from the dress shirt) should adorn the top of the dress shirt, which should be fastened with studs. I have white mother of pearl studs for such an occasion. Cuffs should be double-cuffed (i.e. cufflinks)

Jacket The black (sometimes midnight blue) tailcoat is double-breasted although never fastened and should just show a hint of the white waistcoat beneath

Decorations These may be worn if the invitation decrees – always on the wearer’s left lapel

Waistcoat This is white, made from a pique cotton and is fastened

Trousers Black and tapered with two pieces of braid running down the side of each leg (unlike Black Tie trousers, which should have just one). They should be held in place with the aid of braces, not a belt

Socks Long black silk evening socks are preferable, although merino wool is an acceptable modern alternative

Shoes Patent black and Oxford-style

Unlike with Black Tie where one sometimes sees people trying to inject colour in the outfit, one should not even contemplate such a solecism with this dress code.

Ladies have some rules to follow, although the design, patterns and materials of their gowns will change with the fashions of the age. Dresses should be sweeping and to the floor, but hair should not be. This should be restrained to avoid knocking out dancing partners. Long white gloves should be worn at all times, except when dining. Tiaras may be worn if the occasion warrants them.

The Politeness Paradox – Mother-in-Law’s email to son’s future bride

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

You may have read in the news today a story about a woman emailing her stepson’s fiancé to give her some etiquette pointers. If you haven’t seen the story, click here to read.

This is an interesting case. I completely agree with what Mrs Bourne, the mother-in-law, says. All of her points are technically correct. It is the way in which it was handled that, sadly, lets her argument down.

Doing the job I do I am constantly looking at how people behave and making mental notes and observations (although, I should just say, not as often as people think – I do switch off socially, honest!) But if I dared to tell people my thoughts and highlight which rule they had just breached I would lose a lot of friends very quickly. It’s what I like to call ‘the politeness paradox’: it’s rude to tell someone that they are being rude (even though in the long-term it may benefit them).

Carolyn Bourne

The tone of Mrs Bourne’s email was probably the definition of bluntness and there was no softening of anything. This may be down to a generational difference. Older members of my family will sometimes say things to a younger generation that is not considered politically correct, or that is (on the surface) quite cutting and nasty. Nine times out of ten they are not meaning to come across like that, it is simply that they were brought up (rightly or wrongly) in a much more direct and ‘speak your mind’ way (partly as there were fewer laws and social codes telling them otherwise).

I would be very surprised if the accused of Mrs Bourne’s email (Heidi Withers) decides to marry her fiancé now that this has become a national news story and she seems to come out of it badly. That said, Mrs Bourne hardly comes out smelling of roses. I think it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

A hard one to call as to who is right and who is wrong. Who do you think is right?

LATEST: Read my further thoughts that I gave to the BBC News website’s article on the story. Click here to read. | Read William’s further opinion for Channel 4 News. Click here to read.