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A crash course in wedding invitations

Sunday, February 10th, 2013

Wedding invitations are sent at least six weeks before the day of the wedding.

UntitledBy nature, a wedding is a formal affair and so the invitation should reflect this.  Whilst many are opting to go digital for invitations to dinner parties, birthdays and the like, many still (mercifully) revert to the traditional method of a stiff white invitation through the post.

Unlike other stiff white invitations (never ‘invites’), ones for weddings are upright (portrait) and are engraved on a folded sheet of stiff paper or card.  To explain this better to those who are unfamiliar with these, they are similar to a greetings card, however the wording of the invitations goes on the front in place of the ‘design’ of the card, but they are blank inside and on the back.

Correctly, wedding invitations are 8 inches high x 6 inches across.

The standard wording is:

Mr and Mrs John Smythe
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Susan Mary
to
Dr James Michael Gregory Hunter
at St Peter’s, Hale
on Saturday 17th May 2013
at two o’clock
and afterwards at
The Gables, Bowdon 

RSVP
The Gables
  Bowdon
     Cheshire

Many years ago, one would have written the date in full (Saturday seventeenth of May) but it is now acceptable to write it in the shorter, contemporary fashion.  Traditionalists prefer the long-hand method.

Note that the bride’s surname is not stated for the standard wording.  It only gets stated when the bride’s surname differs from the hosts (see below).

The dress code is not stated, as all (smart) weddings are Morning Dress.  You only need state the dress code (in the bottom right of the invitation) if it is to be anything else.

The guests’ names get written by hand (black or blue ink) in the top left of the invitation.  If your children’s names are not listed (i.e. it reads ‘Terry & June Jones’ rather than ‘Terry, June, Michael & Molly Jones’) then it means that they are not invited.

There are many, many possible variations on the beginning of the wording, depending on family circumstances.

If the bride’s mother is the host:

Mrs John Smythe
requests the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of her daughter
Susan Mary
(etc) 

If the bride’s father is the host:

Mr John Smythe
requests the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of his daughter
Susan Mary

If the bride’s mother and stepfather are hosting:

Mr and Mrs Philip Patterson
requests the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of her daughter
Susan Mary 

If the bride’s father and her stepmother are hosting:

Mr and Mrs John Smythe
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of his daughter
Susan Mary

If the bride’s parents are divorced, but co-hosting the wedding:

Mr John Smythe and Mrs Julia Smythe*
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Susan Mary 

*If she has re-married then Mrs Julia Cuesta 

If the bride’s relatives, godparents, guardians are hosting:

Mr and Mrs David Featherstonehaugh
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their ward
Susan Mary Smythe*

*The bride’s surname is included here if different from the hosts’ 

If the bride is the hostess:

Miss Susan Smythe
request the pleasure of your company
at her marriage to
Dr James Michael Gregory Hunter 

If the bride and groom are hosting:

Dr James Hunter and Miss Susan Smythe
request the pleasure of your company
at their marriage

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Death notices & obituaries

Monday, January 14th, 2013

A death notice should simply state the facts.  Sentimentality and gushing tributes are not correct here.

Pared down, a notice should read:

PARKER – On 4th May, Ruth Iona.

However you can also include a little bit of factual information, such as key relatives and the time and place of the funeral:

PARKER – On 4th May at home. Ruth Iona, beloved wife of Michael.  Funeral service at St Mark’s Church, Church Road, Bristol, Wednesday 15th May at 11am.  Private family committal afterwards.

It was once practice to include the deceased’s address but common sense has stopped this as, inevitably, enterprising thieves were scouring the newspapers for ideas for their next heist.  What is important now is to give enough information that readers who may have known the deceased can identify their friends & family.

In Britain, it is still thought the smartest people die in The Times or the Daily Telegraph.  However, in today’s society the death notice should be placed in the newspaper that is read by the majority of the deceased’s peers.  For example, if the deceased was a big figure locally then an announcement in the local newspaper is wise – especially as national newspapers charge an extortionate and distasteful amount for such notices.

An obituary is at the discretion of a newspaper editor.   They cannot be bought, unlike the above death notices, and usually only appear if the deceased has been of notable prominence during their lifetime.  The best obituaries are mini-biographies that present the facts of the life just lost.

Finally, remember that a person is not socially dead until the funeral has happened.  That is when they become ‘the late X’.

The above is taken from a new app for iPhones, iPads, iPod Touches & Blackberries that I have written on Funeral Etiquette.  It should be released in the next few months.  Keep checking my website for information. 

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The gloves are off: how to wear gloves

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

Many years ago, to be seen without gloves would have been just too much for anyone to handle.  It would have been indecent to allow such a thing.  Today, gloves are being worn less and less by men and women.  The Queen is known for her almost constant use of gloves.  No outfit for Her Majesty is complete without gloves.  And this used to be the case for many women up until the swinging 1960s where attitudes to more or less everything relaxed – but not always for the better.

A good pair of gloves does more than keep hands warm and stave off chilblains – in my option, they complete an outfit.

For men, it is essential to have at least two pairs of gloves.  One pair in black and the other in brown.  The black gloves are to be worn in urban conurbations, and brown to be worn when in the country.  However when dressed casually in towns and cities, black gloves may appear too formal.  This is where a third pair of gloves can come into great use.  Navy!  And if a darker navy, they can be worn with black shoes and formal suit as well.  Yet they will also match a casual short overcoat and jeans perfectly.

Brown leather gloves from John LewisIt need not be said that a man’s gloves should be leather, lined with wool or silk.  Lambskin or suede for country-wear is really the only other alternative.  Knitted gloves are for young children.  We need not pass comment on fingerless gloves.

White gloves (cotton or goatskin) were once a staple of any man’s wardrobe – for evening wear – but with the changing times these have all but passed away from shops & wardrobes alike.

For women, the colour of the gloves should ideally complement the handbag and shoes.  They are usually made from leather or cotton.

In today’s fast-paced, casual world, women tend only to wear gloves when attending funerals or smart weddings.  A great shame, really.

Glove etiquette…

  • Men remove gloves to shake someone’s hand (although this is not required in very cold countries with extremely icy weather)
  • Women can shake hands without removing gloves
  • Men should remove gloves when indoors
  • A lady’s long evening gloves (for White Tie events) are removed when eating
  • Remove gloves by pulling up one finger at a time, rather than sliding off like a bracelet.

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